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WEST LOS ANGELES, CA — In a rare moment of transparency, a local cat named Fluffy opened up to our reporters last week on “catiquette” – the often mysterious and misunderstood etiquette of domestic felines. After a vote at the Feline Society last week, local cats decided to stop pretending that they do not speak English and instead enlighten us on the methods behind their – sometimes crazy – behavior. The conversation quickly turned to why cats prefer to sit in any spot that a human has just decided to occupy. From his sunny spot in his home near West Los Angeles on Sunday, Fluffy explained this concept, “Look here’s how it works,” he said in a surprisingly strong Jersey accent. “The prime spots are always the ones that are warm, so you’re looking for your classic sun-drenched spots, fresh-out of the dryer clothing and anything that just came out of the microwave. These are things you sit on. But then, yous gotta always keep up your ‘king of the castle’ persona so if the human is sittin’ in a spot and thinks they are enjoying it then, BAM that is now the primo spot, capishe? Other spots can vary in levels of interest depending on whether there is tuna fish involved, how long ago it was vacuumed, where the dog is and if it’s a leap year. If you’ve got a pet snake, forget it this whole system is off and we move to a Mayan calendar.” When asked to re-explain whatever he just said Fluffy commented, “Yous humans are such idiots.” Why this cat had an accent we will probably never know, but when asked if there was anything else he would like to add Fluffy noted, “We can’t predict earthquakes neither so stop staring at us every time a bus goes by and shakes yous windows.”