FOR THE BEST IN SOUTHLAND NEWS.
CULVER CITY, CA — A local man is making news today after police learned that he had installed a pizza oven in his vehicle. Henry, of Culver City, installed the oven with the intention of using it while making the 9 hour commute to his job which is .07 miles from his home. When asked if Henry would be allowed to continue this practice, a local officer replied, “It’s not like anyone is paying attention on the road anyway.” Inspired by the 100% of other drivers on the road who were doing everything else but driving, Henry came up with the idea of maximizing his commute. “I tried a coffee bar but received a cease and desist letter from Starbucks. Apparently they own the process of foaming, blending and adding anything that could be considered “mocha.” Then I thought I would install a kiln and fire miniature snake ceramics on the road, but that would just be ridiculous. Besides, my ceramic snake collection is already taking over the house and my dog is upset.” Left struggling to come up with a creative way to be as distracted as other drivers, Henry slept on the idea for weeks. “It was really easy to think of ideas considering I was sleeping on the 405 for days when traffic didn’t move. I just looked around to draw inspiration.” Henry saw drivers doing all kinds of inspirational things from a man churning butter to a woman having a nose job done. “There was blood everywhere” says Henry. “I’m no doctor,” he continues, “but that does seem like a great way to make an extra buck while sitting in traffic. If you were, you know, licensed.” One man appeared to have installed a facsimile machine. “He was faxing his sandwich orders to Bay Cities…the line there is just too long, everybody knows that.” That’s when Henry’s plans turned to food, “Italian food,” Henry explains, “I could make my own sandwiches” he surmised before immediately opting instead for pizza.
Henry can now whip up a series of specialty pizzas while driving, chatting on his cell phone and juggling apples all at the same time. Pepperoni, ham, salami, pickle, molasses and marshmallow are some of his signature pizza pies just to name a few. He even does a vegan diet vegetable flax seed hemp wildflower pizza which is so light and calorie-free that you don’t actually eat it. “It’s very LA,” says Henry’s wife. His most recent addition was a cheese bar, featuring mozzarella, winey goat and a gouda blend, which consists mostly of mozzarella. Plans for the future include a specialty pizza sauce mixture which he will store in a wooden crate on the roof rack and access through an elaborate piping system via the sun-roof. When asked if he would turn his mobile-pizza venture into a business, Henry was clear that his vision was not to be an entrepreneur or change the world, just to make the commute a little more bearable. “Just when you think you are going to stab yourself in the face on the drive home, you realize you can have a vegan molasses pizza wrap and suddenly the nightmare of traffic just fades away.”