ADVICE: How To Prepare For The Next Earthquake

With yesterday’s 3.0 earthquake a few miles off the coast of Marina Del Rey, here are some tips on how to prepare for the next earthquake:

• Stock up on kim chi, as it’s a good source of nutrients and doesn’t spoil. Also, it’s stench helps keep stray animals away.

• Have an evacuation plan, which should not include the words “five,” “freeway,” and “Palmdale.”

• Make friends with your toothless neighbor because he probably owns a few illegal guns.

• Buy a rowboat as it may prove invaluable. Plus, you can tell everyone you own a rowboat.

• Find a way to stay calm, which should be easy since there’s most likely a marijuana dispensary just around the corner from wherever you are.

• Trust no one, not even your housekeeper, who you shouldn’t be trusting anyway. She has shifty eyes.

• Find the nearest taco truck and hijack it. Food and wheels? Now that’s just a good thing when the earth rips itself apart and lava spews forth.

Marina del Rey' (Los Angeles International Air...

Marina del Rey’ (Los Angeles International Airport and Palos Verdes Peninsula in the background). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

About richardonthego

A writer based in Los Angeles.

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This entry was posted on May 10, 2013 by in Advice and tagged , .
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