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LOS ANGELES, CA — Unbeknownst to most, Magic Johnson has been pleading with former owner Frank McCourt in an effort to return the Dodgers, which he bought in May 2012. The team is in the middle of a tumultuous stretch, having lost ten of their last twelve, and found a comfortable spot at the bottom of the National League West. Johnson, who partnered up to buy the team for a record $2 billion, is having a bad case of buyer’s remorse. As a result, this past week he was seen at the McCourt residence trying to convince McCourt to take back the team. Johnson got down on his knees and had his hands in prayer position as he exclaimed, “Frank, you gotta have some sort of return policy! Any good transaction has a return policy. You know, like Costco or Target does. Just think of this team as a flatscreen TV or the latest John Grisham novel. I’ll even throw in a few NBA championship rings.” McCourt just shook his head and chuckled a little, then wiped his butt with a one hundred dollar bill.