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LOS ANGELES, CA — Nearly a year into the state-wide California ban on foie gras and the animals the law was designed to protect, ducks and geese, are coming out to say they actually don’t mind if humans torture them and eat their livers. Foie gras, a popular French delicacy, is made by force-feeding the duck or goose through a funnel-like tube to fatten the liver and was once thought to be abusive. But, a mallard, acting as a spokesperson (Ed. note: spokes-duck?) for the ducks and geese, said, “We appreciate the law, but it’s really not so bad having corn shoved down our throats repeatedly so that we become morbidly obese. It’s also not so bad being slaughtered and having our abnormally fatty livers harvested for human consumption. We think it’s an honor that people would pay as much as they do for a piece of our body. Also, it’s a French tradition, so you know, can’t break tradition!” The mallard then sauntered off and had his gullet jammed full of grain by a nearby farmer.