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YOUR HOUSE – Meter maids and parking services workers will soon find themselves working double-time when paid parking is installed at all private residences in Los Angeles County. “We were really missing out on a revenue opportunity here,” said a city council member. “Think of all those people parking at their homes for free. It was silly really!” The LA County parking services manager elaborated on the plan, “Basically, we are going to install parking meters in every driveway in town. For those who are lucky we will install the ones that take credit cards but mostly not.” As such, residents are encouraged to hoard laundry quarters. For those who do not have private driveways, ticketed parking will be installed in apartment complexes. As such, everyone will need to take a ticket when they arrive at home, validate and pay an automated machine before leaving. Parking will cost $2.00 for the first hour, $9.00 for the third, fourth and fifth hours and $0.75 for every hour thereafter. There is no daily maximum and lost ticket pays $300. Upscale apartments will additionally offer a valet service with carwash for an additional fee plus tip, but not on Mondays. “This is f-ing nuts” one local commented. “This is my HOUSE! The city will do anything to take $1.00 out of our hands,” he commented before a meter maid came by and literally took a dollar out of his hand. Residents who wish to take issue with the new parking plan can submit a complaint form with a $200 fee to City Council headquarters.