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LOS ANGELES – Amid talks about building a new football stadium in downtown Los Angeles, city planners determined that the timing was ripe to cram nine new stadiums into the already crowded downtown area. “There really are no traffic or congestion concerns,” noted one city planner. The new sports stadiums will include a one for jousting, polo, lacrosse, air hockey, distance diving, bobsledding, downhill skiing, checkers and a Quidditch Centre whose stadium will actually float above downtown. “The new stadiums will meet a need that spectators have been demanding for years,” said the new multiplex manager. The assortment of arenas, palladiums and stadiums will be linked via a complex webbing of food vendors, which will exclusively serve nachos. “We thought letting NachoHouse, NachoNow and NachoNacho compete for customers under our roof was healthy for capitalism,” he continued. Each of these new sports arenas will operate exclusively on Monday nights which will synch nicely with the traffic for Monday night football. Due to insane traffic caused by the stadiums, commuters will be asked to sleep at work on Monday nights. Supplies such as toothbrushes and ramen noodles will be provided.