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Author Archives: theritzydispatch

We’ve Moved!

Dear Readers, We’ve moved to a new location in the internet. We’ll continue to provide the best news in and around Los Angeles, so we hope you follow us as … Continue reading

May 24, 2013 · Leave a comment

Los Angeles To Add Nine New Sports Stadiums Downtown

LOS ANGELES – Amid talks about building a new football stadium in downtown Los Angeles, city planners determined that the timing was ripe to cram nine new stadiums into the … Continue reading

May 24, 2013 · Leave a comment

City To Install Parking Meters In Your Driveway

YOUR HOUSE – Meter maids and parking services workers will soon find themselves working double-time when paid parking is installed at all private residences in Los Angeles County. “We were really … Continue reading

May 23, 2013 · Leave a comment

ASK AN ANGELENO: Why Didn’t You Vote?

Eric Garcetti won the mayoral runoff election on Tuesday, May 21, 2013, but only around 20% of Angelenos voted. We asked why. “I went to my crossfit class after work … Continue reading

May 22, 2013 · Leave a comment

LA Mayoral Election: Polling Places Moved To Starbucks So That Someone Might Vote

LOS ANGELES, CA – Amid the bustle of election day, LA City’s electoral council made the executive decision to move all polling places to Starbucks because, well, otherwise nobody will vote. The … Continue reading

May 21, 2013 · Leave a comment

Man Gets Off Train At Union Station; Immediately Gets Back On

UNION STATION – After a 36-hour train ride from somewhere else in America to Los Angeles, a Dutch traveler arrived at Union Station late Tuesday only to immediately get back on the … Continue reading

May 17, 2013 · Leave a comment

Protesters of LAUSD’s Willful Defiance Policy Arrested for Willful Defiance

LOS ANGELES, CA — Protesters of the school policy “willful defiance” were arrested yesterday for willful defiance. The LAUSD policy, which instated a zero tolerance policy for students who failed … Continue reading

May 16, 2013 · Leave a comment

ASK AN ANGELENO: Which Mayoral Candidate Are You Voting For?

With the May 21st runoff election looming, The Ritzy Dispatch took to the streets to find out which mayoral candidate Angelenos are voting for. “Wendy Greuel, so I can continue to use … Continue reading

May 16, 2013 · Leave a comment

LAPD Finally Apprehends Palm Tree Thief

CULVER CITY, CA – After months of following the trail of the man now known as the “Palm Tree Thief” (PTT), LAPD officers have finally made a break in the … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

Southern California Universities To Require Sushi Etiquette Course

LOS ANGELES, CA –As of fall 2013, all local university students  will be required to take (and pass) a sushi course in order to graduate. The curriculum was developed in response … Continue reading

May 5, 2013 · Leave a comment

Local Man Installs Pizza Oven In His Car

CULVER CITY, CA — A local man is making news today after police learned that he had installed a pizza oven in his vehicle.  Henry, of Culver City, installed the oven … Continue reading

May 5, 2013 · Leave a comment

Redondo Beach Woman Decides To Just Stay Home Tonight And Watch TV

REDONDO BEACH, CA — Despite being pressured by her mother to, “go out and actually live your life,” a Redondo Beach woman named Dorris has made the bold decision to, “Just … Continue reading

May 3, 2013 · Leave a comment

Los Angeles Is Full (Says Every Person Who Has Ever Been On The 405)

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a landmark ruling on Friday, the Los Angeles Demographic Regulation Committee on Human Population Review Board determined that Los Angeles is officially full. While stunned citizens … Continue reading

May 3, 2013 · Leave a comment

Nobody Likes Universal Studios, Impact Report Concludes

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — After engaging a consulting company to complete a ten-year study on Universal Studios, the Impact Your Theme Park! (IYTP!) consulting firm finally concluded this week that actually, … Continue reading

May 3, 2013 · Leave a comment