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Native Angeleno Walked Eight Blocks

MID CITY, LOS ANGELES — Earlier today Traci Benton, a native Angeleno, walked eight blocks from her apartment to the Beverly Center because she needed to return something to Bloomingdales. … Continue reading

May 12, 2013 · Leave a comment

USC Hires Two UCLA Neuroscientists To Revamp Dept, Figure Out What The Hell Is Going Through Lane Kiffin’s Mind

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a major academic coup, USC has hired two prominent UCLA neuroscientists to expand their department, as well as figure out what the hell is going … Continue reading

May 11, 2013 · Leave a comment

Woman Won’t Date Anyone With An 818, 626 Area Code

LOS ANGELES, CA — A Los Angeles woman who spoke on condition of anonymity told reporters that she refuses to date anyone with an 818 or 626 area code. “I … Continue reading

May 11, 2013 · Leave a comment

Ducks, Geese Actually Don’t Mind If Angelenos Torture Them And Eat Their Livers

LOS ANGELES, CA — Nearly a year into the state-wide California ban on foie gras and the animals the law was designed to protect, ducks and geese, are coming out … Continue reading

May 11, 2013 · Leave a comment

Echo Park Lake to Re-Open, Homeless People of Echo Park Ecstatic

ECHO PARK — Since being closed since 2011 for renovations, Echo Park Lake is finally being reopened and the homeless people of Echo Park are ecstatic. During a press conference … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

LAUSD Principal Actually Thinks She Can Make A Difference

LOS ANGELES, CA — Newly hired LAUSD principal Janice Williams thinks she can actually make a difference. A veteran of the education system, Williams has taught for ten years in … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

Magic Johnson Trying To Return The Dodgers To Frank McCourt

LOS ANGELES, CA — Unbeknownst to most, Magic Johnson has been pleading with former owner Frank McCourt in an effort to return the Dodgers, which he bought in May 2012. … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

LAPD Finally Apprehends Palm Tree Thief

CULVER CITY, CA – After months of following the trail of the man now known as the “Palm Tree Thief” (PTT), LAPD officers have finally made a break in the … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

ADVICE: How To Prepare For The Next Earthquake

With yesterday’s 3.0 earthquake a few miles off the coast of Marina Del Rey, here are some tips on how to prepare for the next earthquake: • Stock up on … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

Resident: “Downtown LA Looks Really Underwhelming From Over Here”

CULVER CITY, CA — Earlier today, LA resident Mary Wallace was hiking through Kenneth Hahn State Recreation Area and noted that the increasingly hip and trendy Downtown LA looks “really … Continue reading

May 9, 2013 · Leave a comment

Some Guy Actually Went To the Panda Express In Alhambra

ALHAMBRA, CA — Earlier today, some guy actually went to the Panda Express in Alhambra, CA to eat lunch. He strolled in like it was no big deal and ordered … Continue reading

May 9, 2013 · Leave a comment

All Animals Are Now Extinct, Thanks to Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo

LOS ANGELES, CA — Earlier today, all animals have been declared extinct by the World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF) thanks to restauranteurs Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo. The owners … Continue reading

May 8, 2013 · Leave a comment

Sweet Lady Jane To Change It’s Name To “Sweet Lady Type II Diabetes”

LOS ANGELES, CA — Famous bakery Sweet Lady Jane has submitted paperwork with the county of Los Angeles to formally change it’s name to “Sweet Lady Type II Diabetes.” Known … Continue reading

May 8, 2013 · Leave a comment

Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook Just Waiting To Go Up In Flames

CULVER CITY, CA — The gorgeous Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook in Culver City is just waiting to go up in a fiery mess. Despite efforts at plant rehabilitation, the native … Continue reading

May 8, 2013 · Leave a comment